I Am Not Papa John

What is it with the Shire and FedEx quests?

I did the postal quest without going Postal.  Which is an accomplishment in itself – I play a Champion because I enjoy putting sharp objects through my enemies, not because I enjoy the travel package.   I even did the pie delivery stupidity for some lazy Hobbit.

I find it bizarre that you are not allowed to let other Hobbits “smell the pie.”  Out of context, that sounds dirty, doesn’t it?  Anyway, what is so dangerous about smelling pie?  Does the smell drive Hobbits into a mad feeding frenzy?  Oh, wait, that’s their natural state….

Anyway, after delivering these pies, I’m told that they are made with spoiled ingredients, and that I need to go bring each pie back individually without any Hobbits smelling them.  Huh?  When food goes bad in my house, it goes in the trash or down the disposal unit.  I don’t hoard it.  Crazy damn Hobbits.  And what’s with the smelling of pie again?  Is it worse because the Hobbits are sniffing spoiled pie?  Do they spontaneously combust after smelling a pie that’s gone bad?  If so, I’m grabbing a stack of month-old pies and setting them up with oscillating fans all over the Shire.  That ought to clean up this Hobbit infestation faster than the Orkin man.


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